I had been struggling to put my finger on what has been causing me to feel so unsettled recently.  I’ve been experiencing feelings of anxiety and it’s all just been a  bit weird. 

 What to do??? -

•  Recommenced taking magnesium tablets (which I only take on and off when I have trouble with sleep and stress) – no change.
• Increased visits to the Bikram yoga studio – wonderful, but no change to my present state.
• Caught up on my sleep – no change.
• Actively increased fun weekend activities with husband, children and border collie child – no change.
• Attempt to de-stress work environment and work load – no change.

 Nothing seemed to be working til I had a moment of clarity last night. 

 My husband was away and I sat in front of the box, mindlessly watching  “My Kitchen Rules’ and drinking a cup of tea.  Hang on – why is this different?  It came to me that I was missing holding a paintbrush or two in the other hand whilst responding to emails whilst also mixing paint on a palette.   I am so used to doing everything in every spare minute that I can squeeze out of the day that I had forgotten how simple it is to just do one thing at a time.

 I have been on a self imposed creative break after having produced a ton of paintings over the past 18 months.  (I can promise you that there are no sneaky blank canvases lying around behind doors or any brushes drying on the kitchen window sill).  I’ve gone cold turkey.  And it’s not working out well for me at all.

Whilst I have no painting deadlines looming I’m going to crack on with some new work and might even manage to get one to hang in our own home.  It’s been a while since I had any available work to hang – the cupboards are bare, and our home needs some artwork.

Off to my favourite art store this afternoon to buy a new canvas.

 To coin a phrase my husband uses a bit  – ” it’s just how I roll.”

K